Official answers to the "reality check" questions, from the Al Lowe site

Henry "Hank" Aaron is best known for
a. his prowess with a stick.
b. his ability to talk to animals.
c. his skill at lifting weights.
d. "Hank who?"
Correct answer: a.

Acupuncture is
a. the ability to accurately puncture anything.
b. extremely painful.
c. a style of kinky sex.
d. an ancient form of Chinese medicine.
Correct answer: d.

If you inhaled Agent Orange you were probably
a. in Vietnam.
b. stoned.
c. loaded with Vitamin C.
d. able to talk like Donald Duck.
Correct answer: a.

An abacus is
a. another name for a chalkboard.
b. a technique for counting.
c. an insignificant Roman god.
d. something dirty.
Correct answer: b.

Your abdomen is located
a. inside your bank.
b. inside your Audi.
c. beneath your chest.
d. best after dark.
Correct answer: c.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A W-4 is
a. the best all-around motor oil.
b. a tax form.
c. a fighter plane.
d. Leisure Suit Larry's draft rating.
Correct answer: b.

The Electoral College is
a. in upstate Vermont.
b. Ronald Reagan's alma mater.
c. a system of direct representation.
d. ridiculous.
Correct answer: d.

The Presidency of Gerald Ford is remembered for
a. the escalation of the Vietnam War.
b. the beginning of the Watergate scandal.
c. the decline of inflation.
d. nothing much.
Correct answer: d.

OPEC is
a. America's first line of defense.
b. a government agency.
c. the coalition of oil producing countries.
d. a computer language.
Correct answer: c.

"The Andy Griffith Show" was a spinoff of
a. "Make Room For Daddy."
b. "Mayberry R.F.D."
c. "Matlock."
d. none of the above
Correct answer: d.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An aneurysm is
a. a swamp-dwelling marsupial.
b. quite enjoyable.
c. an enlargement in an artery.
d. usually caused by frog urine.
Correct answer: c.

In 1979, the Vice-President of the U.S. was nicknamed
a. "Poppy."
b. "Fritz."
c. "Hans."
d. "Dutch."
Correct answer: b.

A balloon mortgage is
a. an early type of aircraft
b. a kind of French torture device
c. a type of home loan
d. a cross-country hot air balloon race
Correct answer: c.

Who played Patty Duke's cousin on "The Patty Duke Show?"
a. Patty Duke
b. Pia Zadora
c. Patty O'Rourke
d. Patty Melt
Correct answer: a.

Krakatoa is actually ____ of Java.
a. West
b. East
c. Northeast
d. Southeast
Correct answer: a.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jack Benny's chauffer was
a. Westchester.
b. Portsmouth.
c. Rochester.
d. underpaid.
Correct answer: c.

"Who threw the overalls in Mrs. Murphy's
a. laundry?"
b. merkin?"
c. mukluks?"
d. chowder?"
Correct answer: d.

"You won't have ____ to kick around any more."
a. Richard Nixon
b. Charles Atlas
c. Al Lowe
d. Pele
Correct answer: a.

"Candy is dandy, but"
a. "who ordered candy?"
b. "booze is badder."
c. "cheddar is better."
d. "liquor is quicker."
Correct answer: d.

Abbie Hoffman wrote
a. "The Grapes of Wrath."
b. "The Wrath of Khan."
c. "Take My Wife... Please!"
d. "Steal This Book."
Correct answer: d.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Who died in "Love Story?"
a. Ali McGraw
b. Ryan O'Neal
c. Brian Piccolo
d. the audience
Correct answer: a.

A philatelist is
a. a humanitarian.
b. a barbarian.
c. one who licks and tells.
d. a stamp collector.
Correct answer: d.

Comedians often play in
a. the Bible Belt.
b. the Corn Belt.
c. the Borscht Belt.
d. their food.
Correct answer: c.

"Ask any mermaid you happen to see,"
a. What's the finest caviar?
b. What's the best tuna?
c. What is Tom Hanks really like?
d. Are you Shirley McClaine?
Correct answer: b.

Charles Dickens wrote
a. "Tails From Two Cities."
b. "David Copperfield."
c. "Magic Made Easy."
d. "Doug Henning."
Correct answer: b.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lizzy Borden gave her mother
a. a poem lovely as a tree.
b. a cherry that had no stone.
c. gray hair.
d. forty whacks.
Correct answer: d.

The five Marx brothers were Groucho, Harpo, Chico,
a. Bobo and Rollo.
b. Zeppo and Gummo.
c. Karl and Freddy.
d. Scooter and Skido.
Correct answer: b.

Pesticide is
a. a legal term for the murder of a younger sibling.
b. a slang term for the harassing of nerds.
c. a bug killer.
d. taking sides with obnoxious people.
Correct answer: c.

An oil glut is
a. the latest tanker spill.
b. how doctors describe cholesterol in arteries.
c. a typical fast-food meal.
d. an overabundance of the commodity in the world markets.
Correct answer: d.

A philanthropist is
a. a humanitarian.
b. a stamp collector.
c. a frivolous lover
d. the lasso-slinging ability of Phil's aunt.
Correct answer: a.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"The Munster's" pet dragon was called
a. Spot.
b. Fred.
c. Igor.
d. Smokey.
Correct answer: a.

Cat Stevens is
a. a famous cat food promoter.
b. a beatnick politician of the 50's.
c. a singer/songwriter who "got religion."
d. Austrian.
Correct answer: c.

In the TV show "Rawhide," Rowdy Yates was played by
a. Harry Carey
b. Clint Eastwood
c. Harry Palm
d. Clint Walker
Correct answer: b.

The "Women's Suffrage" movement was run by
a. Susan B. Anthony.
b. Jacqueline Susann.
c. Gloria Steinem.
d. Paula Abdul.
Correct answer: a.

Two famous sex researchers were
a. Olsen and Johnson.
b. Masters and Johnson.
c. Johnson and Johnson.
d. Hall and Oates.
Correct answer: b.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What is a "Brainfour?"
a. a thinking device
b. a quadralateral circle
c. an operation to remove blood clots
d. a memory chip holding four times more information
Correct answer: a.

The fastest speed you would reach if you jumped off a 40-story building is
a. 400 MPH (40x10.0).
b. 0.4 MPH (40+4/10).
c. 4 MPH (40/10).
d. irrelevant to you at the time.
Correct answer: d.

Are you a kid?
a. Yes, but I wanna play anyway.
b. Yes.
c. No.
d. No, I are a grown up.
Correct answer: c.

Social Security is
a. for people afraid to be alone in public.
b. an underarm deodorant.
c. a contract signed when you get married.
d. some sort of governmental thing.
Correct answer: d.

"All Along the Watchtower" is a
a. religious publication.
b. song by Bob Dylan.
c. nickname for guard duty during WW II.
d. "Great Wall of China" fight song.
Correct answer: b.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the 60's television show, U.N.C.L.E. stood for
a. Underground National Council for Large Earlobes.
b. United Network Command for Law Enforcement.
c. United Naval Commission for Leaders of Europe.
d. "truth, justice, and the American way."
Correct answer: b.

Vertigo is
a. a balance disorder of the inner ear.
b. an Alfred Hitchcock film.
c. any sudden vertical movement.
d. both A and B.
Correct answer: d.

Watergate is
a. a hotel.
b. a large, water-driven power station.
c. a valve used to stop leaks in water pipes.
d. German for "your father's heart."
Correct answer: a.

A "condominium" is
a. a prophylactic for midgets.
b. a small supermarket.
c. an apartment you can purchase.
d. the smallest size.
Correct answer: c.

Which was not a '60s rock group?
a. The Who
b. The Stones
c. The Beatles
d. The Bangles
Correct answer: d.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spiro Agnew was
a. a linebacker for Green Bay.
b. a billionaire Greek shipping tycoon.
c. an ex-con.
d. pardoned.
Correct answer: c.

In 1980, Americans supported the Iranian hostages by
a. not buying gasoline.
b. taking out a contract on the Ayatollah.
c. holding mass rallies.
d. tying up innocent trees in yellow ribbons.
Correct answer: d.

In the mid-70's, you had the "dry look" if you
a. had too many dry martinis for lunch.
b. used a blow dryer.
c. had too many dry beers after work.
d. wore desert boots.
Correct answer: b.

A square root is a
a. mathematical term.
b. nerd cheer.
c. path with no diagonal movement.
d. painful condition.
Correct answer: a.

Senile people
a. have been to Egypt.
b. study rivers professionally.
c. live in pyramids.
d. (I forget the fourth answer.)
Correct answer: d.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Brown vs Board of Education" concerned
a. corporal punishment.
b. desegregation.
c. forced busing.
d. declaring catsup a vegetable.
Correct answer: b.

Canasta is
a. the capital of Haiti.
b. a Cuban dance.
c. a card game.
d. Madonna's last name.
Correct answer: c.

If someone called you a thespian, he would probably be
a. referring to your dramatic skills.
b. referring to your ethnic background.
c. insulting your sexual preferences.
d. punched out!
Correct answer: a.

ARVN stands for the
a. "American Recreational Vehicle Network."
b. "Army of the Republic of Viet Nam."
c. "American Rock Video Network."
d. "Automatic Recovery Vehicle--Nuclear."
Correct answer: b.

"The Naked Lunch" is
a. served at only your more sophisticated restaurants.
b. live at CBGB's.
c. available in VHS.
d. a beatnik novel.
Correct answer: d.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Gestapo was a
a. now-defunct chain of Quiki-Marts in the Deep South.
b. tribe of headhunters.
c. WWII German police force.
d. popular 60's dance.
Correct answer: c.

"LSD" is 
a. used to slow the spread of cancer.
b. able to really mess up your head.
c. any "Large Screen Display."
d. a "Large Stomach Disorder."
Correct answer: b.

Analgesics are used to
a. control pain.
b. enhance rectal pleasure.
c. prevent pregnancy.
d. kill fleas.
Correct answer: a.

The term "Baby Boom" refers to the
a. now-defunct practice of exploding ugly offspring.
b. noise a baby's bottom makes.
c. increased birthrate following WWII.
d. sound a baby makes when dropped from a high building.
Correct answer: c.

Someone interested in animal husbandry
a. is married to a sheep.
b. petitions for animal rights.
c. would be arrested in Michigan.
d. breeds livestock.
Correct answer: d.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Bar Mitzvah is a
a. famous Manhattan gay bar.
b. Jewish religious ceremony.
c. Yiddish granola bar.
d. special kind of cracker.
Correct answer: b.

The Big Bang is
a. the title of a hit porno movie.
b. Bernard Goetz's favorite sound.
c. how the universe got its start.
d. a 27-car pileup.
Correct answer: c.

The U.S. Vice-President elected in 1988 was
a. J. Danforth Quayle.
b. not ready for prime time.
c. "No Jack Kennedy."
d. All of the above.
Correct answer: d.

What is interface protocol?
a. a required course in "The Famous Beauticians School"
b. Chapter Three of "How to Earn Big Bucks as an Ambassador"
c. foreplay between consenting computers
d. when the eyes and the nose cast their "Ayes" and "Nos"
Correct answer: c.

Josephine the _____
a. Bonaparte
b. Manicurist
c. Eighth
d. Plumber
Correct answer: d.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Who had a rabbit and a talking grandfather clock?
a. Captain Kangaroo
b. Glenn Close
c. Jimmy Stewart
d. Pee Wee Herman
Correct answer: a.

What band was Paul McCartney in before Wings?
a. Menudo
b. The Beatles
c. The Monkees
d. The Traveling Wilburys
Correct answer: b.

If they could just stay little until their _____ wear out.
a. Carters
b. undies
c. kidneys
d. Legos
Correct answer: a.

What was the first TV show with the sound of a flushing toilet?
a. "Maude"
b. "The Jeffersons"
c. "American Top 40"
d. "All in the Family"
Correct answer: d.

What TV show featured an appearance by Richard Nixon?
a. "Hello, Larry."
b. "Mr. President."
c. "Laugh-In."
d. A special 2-hour "Love Boat."
Correct answer: c.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The phrase "Cutting the cheese" refers to
a. hors d'oeuvres preparation.
b. topping another French chef.
c. leaving a warm climate.
d. flatulence.
Correct answer: d.

Which of the following was NOT a carbonated drink?
a. "Nik-L-Nip"
b. "Vita-Cola"
c. "Moxie"
d. "Mr. Pibb"
Correct answer: a.

The "Domino Theory" refers to
a. "30 minutes! Guaranteed!!"
b. Southeast Asia.
c. the speed of collapsing rows of vertical dominoes.
d. the non-Latin Mass.
Correct answer: b.

"Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" is
a. a typo.
b. misspelled.
c. an adjective.
d. a palindrome.
Correct answer: c.

In "The Wizard of Oz," Dorothy's last name was
a. Parker.
b. Gale.
c. Gumm.
d. Minelli.
Correct answer: b.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Who fought the Battle of the Bulge?
a. General Ullyses S. Grant
b. Colonel Tom Parker
c. General MacAuliffe
d. Elizabeth Taylor
Correct answer: c.

Muhammad Ali was originally known as
a. Cassius Clay.
b. Titus Andronicus.
c. Sonny Liston.
d. Wally Cox.
Correct answer: a.

Marijuana has never been called
a. pot.
b. grass.
c. reefer.
d. off.
Correct answer: d.

Who never won the Nobel Peace Prize?
a. Teddy Roosevelt
b. Henry Kissinger
c. Linus Pauling
d. Pope John XXIII
Correct answer: c.

In the Spanish Civil War, the Fascists defeated the
a. Democrats.
b. Republicans.
c. Libertarians.
d. Armada.
Correct answer: c.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ronald Reagan was never a
a. sportscaster.
b. professional football player.
c. governor.
d. napper.
Correct answer: b.

The Mason-Dixon Line is a
a. betting spread.
b. geometry problem.
c. surveying boundary.
d. type of fishing gear.
Correct answer: c.

Muhammed Ali was known for
a. his skill as a poet.
b. missing the draft.
c. boxing.
d. All of the above.
Correct answer: d.

Which of the following is not a Woody Allen film?
a. "Exteriors"
b. "Manhattan"
c. "Annie Hall"
d. "Bananas"
Correct answer: a.

People discussing arms control are
a. involved in the prosthetics industry.
b. mitigating the destructiveness of war.
c. preparing for short arms inspection.
d. practicing cheerleading.
Correct answer: b.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Artificial insemination is the
a. study of plastic plants.
b. study of sex among the insemians.
c. technique widely used to breed animals.
d. safest form of sex.
Correct answer: c.

Artificial intelligence is
a. computers pretending to be human.
b. humans pretending to be computers.
c. an oxy-moron.
d. a blow-up doll.
Correct answer: a.

The author of this game likes to wear his hair
a. parted on the left.
b. parted on the right.
c. long.
d. on the inside.
Correct answer: d.

Mikhail Baryshnikov is famous for?
a. being an ex-Commie
b. wearing tight underwear
c. performing while on tip-toes
d. All of the above.
Correct answer: d.

What occurred at the Bay of Pigs?
a. Many ugly women took a bath.
b. A big mistake.
c. The first bacon factory was established.
d. Columbus arrived in America.
Correct answer: b.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Which was not a Beatles song?
a. "Please, Please Me"
b. "Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da"
c. "Put This In Your Mouth"
d. "The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill"
Correct answer: c.

Pearl Harbor is best known for
a. being a great place to shop for necklaces.
b. her five years as a Washington D. C. madam.
c. being bombed during World War II.
d. her singing voice.
Correct answer: c.

Macadamia nuts are
a. caused by infrequent bathing.
b. extremely painful.
c. usually supplied with batteries.
d. common in Hawaii.
Correct answer: d.

Mace is
a. liquid tear gas.
b. a mild aphrodisiac.
c. best applied as a topical lubricant.
d. a brand of underarm deodorant.
Correct answer: a.

If "the rabbit died," what really happened is
a. its ears went limp.
b. somebody's been doing something to someone.
c. you need a different brand of rabbit chow.
d. there'll be no more rabbit poop around the house.
Correct answer: b.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What can you get in a "red light" district?
a. in many cases, trouble
b. the Blue Plate Special
c. outdoor lighting fixtures
d. lingerie
Correct answer: a.

To impress your date, you should
a. sing (loudly) Barry Manilow's greatest hits.
b. casually mention how you flunked your last blood test.
c. not bring up the vast quantities of ear hair they have.
d. discuss your plans to continue living at home with Mom.
Correct answer: c.

According to men, women think foreplay should last
a. longer.
b. much longer.
c. much much longer.
d. All of the above.
Correct answer: d.

I am easily offended by
a. nudity.
b. racial humor.
c. foul language.
d. None of the above.
Correct answer: d.

The rhythm method is
a. how drummers do it.
b. a popular form of birth control.
c. percussive in nature.
d. a way to fool around while listening to music.
Correct answer: b.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eleven inches is
a. a foot.
b. a yard.
c. .70 meters
d. more than I have.
Correct answer: d.

Who should be on top, the male or the female?
a. On top of what?
b. the male
c. the female
d. What species?
Correct answer: d.

Which of the following does not belong?
a. walking the dog
b. hunting beaver
c. chasing tail
d. trolling
Correct answer: a.

How many virgin cheerleaders are there?
a. Five million.
b. Two thousand.
c. One hundred.
d. Too many.
Correct answer: d.

Which of the following does not belong?
a. Safe
b. Raincoat
c. Tire iron
d. Condom
Correct answer: c.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Who comes on New Year's Eve?
a. Santa Claus
b. The Easter Bunny
c. Jason
d. Sometimes, me
Correct answer: d.

A conundrum is
a. used to prevent disease.
b. a riddle.
c. a yuppie habitat (sometimes known as a "condo").
d. a musical instrument of the percussion family.
Correct answer: b.

What lies on the back of a Playboy centerfold?
a. several jokes
b. a tattoo
c. her boyfriend
d. a hairy wart
Correct answer: a.

What celebrity was the first Ronald McDonald?
a. Willard Scott
b. Larry Laffer
c. Ronald Reagan
d. Bert Parks
Correct answer: a.

A homophone is
a. opposed to the gay lifestyle.
b. in favor of the gay lifestyle.
c. a word that sounds like another word.
d. a communication device.
Correct answer: c.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What is "Where the Rubber hits the Road?"
a. Trojan
b. Firestone
c. The Hollywood Drive-In Theatre
d. Galoshes, Inc.
Correct answer: b.

Who does not belong?
a. Marilyn Monroe
b. Phyllis Diller
c. Jayne Mansfield
d. Bo Derek
Correct answer: b.

A reefer is
a. to give to or assign to someone.
b. a good place to store beer.
c. where ships often crash.
d. sometimes smoked illegally.
Correct answer: d.

TM is most often associated with
a. the Bahgwan Shree Rajneesh.
b. Shirley MacLaine.
c. the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.
d. Yogi Bear.
Correct answer: a.

Buddy Holly died
a. on stage.
b. in the saddle.
c. in an airplane crash.
d. in the "Blue Ball Saloon" when he bent to tie his shoelace.
Correct answer: c.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What did Gomer Pyle say when he was excited?
a. Shazam!
b. Wanna buy a duck?
c. Yes, sir!
d. Yabba Dabba Doo!
Correct answer: a.

A loop is
a. often used in family planning.
b. repeated instructions in a computer program.
c. in downtown Chicago.
d. All of the above.
Correct answer: d.

Decalcomania is
a. an obsession with decimals.
b. an obsession with Californians.
c. sticky.
d. a mental disease involving decalcos.
Correct answer: c.

STD is
a. an automotive lubricant.
b. something to avoid.
c. commonly associated with celibacy.
d. a West German political party.
Correct answer: b.

Who does not belong?
a. Peter Lawford
b. Sammy Davis
c. Stevie Wonder
d. Dean Martin
Correct answer: c.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Who invented "The Twist?"
a. Chubby Checker
b. Michael Jackson
c. The American Chiropractic Society
d. Milton Bradley
Correct answer: a.

CP/M is
a. a first aid technique.
b. a type of accountant.
c. a female problem.
d. an operating system.
Correct answer: d.

Chlamydia is
a. a baroque musical instrument.
b. often "gotten off a toilet seat."
c. a flower with purple petals.
d. the fifth wife of Emperor Nero.
Correct answer: b.

Who was not in the original "Saturday Night Live" cast?
a. Chevy Chase
b. Gilda Radner
c. Eddie Murphy
d. John Belushi
Correct answer: c.

Which of these do you consider most offensive?
a. Abstinence
b. Graphic sex
c. Gratuitous promiscuity
d. Racial slurs
Correct answer: a.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An IUD is
a. a promissory note.
b. an international organization.
c. used to increase fertility.
d. supposed to limit reproduction.
Correct answer: d.

Which of these is out of place?
a. cathouse
b. house of ill repute
c. bridge club
d. the Chicken Ranch
Correct answer: c.

Which of these is not related to fowls.
a. laying an egg
b. getting laid
c. telling a yolk
d. "finger-lickin' good"
Correct answer: b.

What country produces the Mercedes Benz?
a. The same folks that brought you sauerkraut
b. Atlantis
c. Sweden
d. Japan
Correct answer: a.

What does the "F" stand for in JFK?
a. Forest
b. Fitzgerald
c. Franklin
d. Fitzpatrick
Correct answer: b.
 
